I Come in Piece - Part One

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q19l7UKP-to


There is a human desire to believe in story. We have a common hunger for belief in a savior that is outside of our selves. We are living in the ouroboros of the mono-myth, the snake eating it's tail.  It is my belief that by each and everyone of us living, playing out our individual parts as the hero in our individual journeys we will stop "sticking our foot in our mouths" and find a new ways to tell stories. To expand our imaginations out of the valleys and across the moors. This is me taking my foot out of my mouth, standing up straight and telling my story. My life has turned into an epic tale. Some days it is great fun and full of wonders. Other days I get lost in my own belly of the whale. I have searched for and created labels for myself, I have pushed myself to play the part that I thought I was "supposed" to be, acting out the script that I thought had been written for me. But what a boring show that would be, if we knew what was to happen. I have had many experiences over the past few years that I can not easily classify, no matter how hard I try. I have searched for labels for myself, boxes to hide myself into, what am I? I am human. What is Human?? Well, that is the great story that we are circling in together. Here, from my experiences and perspectives is my piece.

I come in peace. 

"Who is Bashar?

Bashar is a being of extraterrestrial origin, a friend from the future who has spoken for the past 30 years through channel, Darryl Anka, bringing through a wave of new information that clearly explains in detail how the universe works and how each person creates the reality they experience. Over the years, thousands of individuals have had the opportunity to apply these principles and see if they really work to change their lives and create the reality that they desire.

Why do these concepts work?

Bashar would be the first to say that it's because this information is based on the laws of physics and is not just a "nice New Age philosophy." Perhaps this is a more advanced version of physics than you may have encountered in the past- but nevertheless, it is based on physics. Hence, when you apply these principles and techniques to your day to day life, you can see dramatic results, both in what you experience and how you feel!

Bashar describes the importance of belief systems and explains how to change what you believe about yourself and your world to dramatically change what you experience in your life. The new perspectives he shares can change the way you view "reality" and help you get in touch with the beliefs and ideas that are presently guiding your life so that you can change them if you decide to. Bashar's message emphasizes your self empowerment and your ability to use your conscious free choice to create the life and the world that you prefer.

Self-empowerment is key

Bashar describes the planet as going through a major transformation- an evolutionary leap to the next level of consciousness. Bashar's message simply acts as a reminder of what you already know but may have forgotten, and can help you experience this transition smoothly and joyfully, by expanding your awareness of the unlimited possibilities that are truly available to you. The message emphasizes increasing your self empowerment and your connection to your Higher Self as being key to consciously creating the kind of reality you desire.

Ecstasy is your birthright

Bashar's message helps to expand your capacity for learning and change. It re-awakens your ability to use your imagination and express yourself creatively... so that you can experience the ecstasy that is your birthright. The techniques that are contained in the Bashar material are fun, challenging and interesting to work with and Bashar's uniquely humorous and direct approach enhances the entire experience!"  - Bashar Communications Website

There is always another side to the story. Infinitely mores sides... About 4 and a half years ago I began my "awakening" I do not like that term for it, however popular it has become. I have called this process my "unraveling". In a positive sense, like a ball of yarn untangling. At times it has been frustrating and challenging, it can get stuck places. I'd like to just cut out pieces, undoing all the tangles, but then I would get even more confused. What parts go where? How does the story fit together? And that is all this experience is, I have come to find, a story that we are co-creating. It takes time and care to unwind the ball of yarn, then we can start to see the story, making sense of all of its orchestrated plot lines. Or you could cut it all up too, and see what you can make. It's also all about the ALSO and then making our own choices.

With a friend one night in the late summer of 2009, after taking one hit of pot, I started spontaneously vocal channeling (see "Have you ever heard of Bashar?" Blog tittle for full story) I do think it is important to state here that I have learned that being sober is the best way for me to unravel my ball of yarn. I have never taken LSD or DMT. I have never "tripped" or hallucinated on psychedelic drugs. I have ingested psilocybin mushrooms, but maybe never enough to "go there". My lessons with the guides and teachers of the land were always emotional understandings. THC has always had the strongest effect on me out of any other substance. This night's dance with Mary Jane pushed my perceptions beyond what I had thought was possible. 

I took one hit of pot and was put into an altered state. I was aware that I was talking, but I was receiving my own understandings in the moment. I was being offered a role in a story, the mono-myth. The road would be challenging, yet rewarding. And during the story I would come to know, know, that "magic" and all of my wildest dreams were "true" How could I say no? I agreed.

While I was in this state of receiving I was aware that my body was talking, like reciting a script. Having this split consciousness was nothing new to me. Being an actor for over 15 years at this point, I was used to having the body go on "auto pilot" saying the memorized lines, putting on the shoes of the character that has been created, putting on her mannerisms, her voice, while the mind still functions and spins in your own personality construct. You are thinking about what you want for lunch, or checking out the cute boys in the first row... Now, this is "bad acting". This is not being "in the moment". But it happens even to the best of actors from time to time. And this is what this splitting of awareness reminded me of at this moment. I was aware that my body was talking, but my mind was being taken to other places, I was receiving an understanding of "the offer" in what felt like just a few minutes. It was was about an hour later when I emerged from the altered state. I do not remember what "the entity" was saying. The only phrase that I have clear memory of is, "There are Three. We will repeat, There are Three"

I came out of the state to find my friend Jen who had been traveling through the labyrinth for close to 10 years at this point, unraveling her own ball of yarn, jaw dropped. "That was the crazy!.... Have you ever heard of Bashar?"

"No, who, What is Bashar?"

"Well, this is kinda weird stuff. But he, well the human, Darryl Anka is what's called a vocal channel. He goes into an altered state of consciousness and connects to a being that represents himself to be an extraterrestrial that is able to relay information vocally through Darryl. Vocal channeling is a common phenomenon in these types of circles. I have listened to a fair amount of them, most are shit. This guy is legit. Yah, there are some schisms that I don't agree with, but no one has the full story right now. Anyway, the information that you just gave was right in line with what they talk about. But more importantly, it was the WAY you gave it, the energy was the same. I think there is something here for you. Obviously, I think. Well, if you are curious, and you feel EXCITED to do so, YouTube Bashar."

I went home that night and did. I YouTub-ed the name and a whole list of videos came up. A middle aged guy sitting in a chair, his hands in a funny position, eyes closed with crystals behind him. My punk rocker self more than unsure of this "hippy dippy stuff". I clicked on one video that was titled "teleportation" Okay, that sounds interesting. In the video, Bashar, via the body of Darryl, goes into the mechanics of how teleportation is possible. My heart understood what he was saying to be "true", even if my mind could barely keep up with the details. Even more interesting was the fact that I started crying, like bawling. I felt a huge sense of connection. Like a feeling of home that I had forgotten I forgot. I watched several videos that night. I deduced that the main message this being was giving, where ever he was really from, was to follow your heart. To follow your joy. To be present and follow your true excitement in each and every moment. I saw many things to question about the arrangement, except for the idea of "follow your excitement" You already have the power. There was nothing I could question or disagree with about the simplicity of that message. I told these beings, who ever they were, myself or something else...or both, I was ready and agreeing to the communication.

I geeked out on many,many, many, Bashar Youtube videos over the next few months. Ate it like candy. During this time too, I read and researched a lot about the overarching conspiracy and alternative history ideas. I continued to smoke marijuana. And I was given the books "Right Use of Will" From Jen.

"I don't suggest these to just anyone, these are intense, it is for those who are.. Serious"

These books are also channeled material. It is the story of the original split of the masculine and the feminine parts of creation. The gap that was created in the separation and the importance, the essential act of FEELING the pieces up out of denial into balance. In the story, it tells how the mother spirit created Earth as a safe haven for herself, a place where she could feel all she needed to. The bright lights of heaven had become the father's palace, he at times did not like all that she reflected to him. He liked things calm and easy. He liked stimulation. Excitement. So did the mother, but at times this felt like a false light and it burned. She left the heavens and made Earth for herself. A place where she could feel. A place where she could feel to decided what felt good to her and what didn't. A place where she could feel all that was in creation. This place was beyond beautiful, full of a wide spectrum of manifestation. As the mother moved her feelings and her Will, other spirits, her children from the heavens came down to join her. They missed her, they wanted to know her, they were not afraid of her "darkness" and power anymore, they wanted to grow with her. In these books, Earth is describe as a place that was created as a haven for beings to feel anything that needed to be felt. Experiences would be "allowed" to get movement of denser vibrations up to the surface. This was before "time". Then the story gains more differentiation in archetype and the mono-myth begins to take form. A density begins to take hold, and evolution begins, a native species to the planet takes form. Then different characters are called down. Some with the intent of integration, others for the furthering of segregation between the pieces of creation. Here we can begin to use terms like, The Land of Pan, Or Mu, Lemuria, and into Atlantis. The beings that came here could start to fit into the categories of the Nummo, Annunaki, Elohim, Nephlim, and Archon. The exact who, what, when, where and whys of these labels are at this time, irrelevant to me, what I feel important is the understanding that as the density levels were allowed to lower, characters and experiences started to solidify, spinning threads of the Earth Story. We agreed to start FEELING. To a very serious degree. As I see it, this had not been "allowed" needed or wanted anywhere in the multi-verse story "before" Earth is the platform, the stage to balance all of creation.

On April 21st 2010, Earth Day. Jen and I had a private session with Darryl Anka in LA. As I was in the restroom, before the session started, I heard Darryl ask Jen, "Is she an actress?" (in reference to me)  It felt like the tone in some one's voice when trying to place where they may know you from.

 He channeled Bashar. I asked him, through tears, unsure why they were flowing "I feel like I am so connected to you and your race"

"Yees, We understand."

I asked him "Do you have any children? " trying to find some sort of soul connection in their timeline story.

"Of my own? No. But in our civilization, we connect to all children as our own."

I didn't probe for more information. I knew In that moment I needed to understand my connection to them. It could never be told to me.

He told Jen that she has been part of the "abduction program" That she acts as a type of counselor to help people with their experiences.

"Have I been abducted?" I asked.

"Not in the same way"

Again, I did not probe for more information.  

Jen did most of the talking with Bashar that day. I was in an out of an altered state myself. I felt myself connecting to parts of them to gather and exchange information. I remember him telling me that I was an "explorer" and it was very important for me to understand that I didn't need to, nor could I ever, make any one believe me.

Towards the end I asked him... "What is my connection to Judy Garland?"

"You share aspects of the same over soul and have made agreements to help each other explore a theme"

We also asked, "Yo, Bashar, can we see one of your spaceships?? Give us a drive by."

"As you follow excitement and align yourself with the like vibrations...." or some standard Bashar answer.... Jen and I kinda grumbled..."We can tell you, rest assured, seeing spaceships, and many of them, is in your time stream...one moment.... Do you have any interest in going to the area of your planet known as Hawai'i? "

I screamed. Jen gasped. We had just been talking about feeling the desire to go to Hawai'i.

"That will be, as we read the energy now, a very likely place for a... sighting."

As the connection ended and he began to depart, "Oh, and enjoy your time over the rainbow" A strong exhale of breath and Bashar was gone. Darryl began to "wake up"

I was in a state of shock I suppose, visibly shaken. Crying.

"Are you alright?" Darryl asked me.

"uh, yeah..." I nodded....I was just well, unraveled.

As we parted ways on the door step Darryl gave Jen and I warm hugs. As he broke embrace with me, He looked into my eyes "It's very nice to see you" He said. And then I heard in my head "In this time, in this way" 

He finished the departure with a dearly said phrase, "If you ever have any questions, you call me."

I was so dazed at the time. The moment feels like a dream and I am not honestly sure if he really said it. But I remember it. And I did call him, and write to him many times through out the past years. He always returned my calls and emails and helped me put the story together.

He helped me put my version of the story together, to now, I feel, unravel it.

Upon returning the Bay Area after the session I quickly spiraled into rapid change. I quit my job on the spot, took a road trip to Oregon where I totally scared some good friends of mine. I began to act in ways that I would classify as "manic". I continued to smoke pot. I see now, that I was confusing anxiety with excitement. Never the less, I was creating rapid change as I applied my perspective of the Bashar techniques. But it was not what I would call "joyfull" It had a white hot static to the energy I was creating. However, I recognize that it was part of my process, and I wouldn't change a choice at this point looking "back".

Around this time I called Darryl for the first time, I do not remember all of the conversation, only bits and pieces. I do remember him saying something to the effect of " I do think you have a very strong Sassani connection. Over the years I have been able to pick up on the energy from people, and you've got it" He was very kind and compassionate. His calm "yes, I understand" soothed a tension in my soul. I realized a resonance in the tone quality of his voice, a voice I was so used to hearing from the channelings, hit parts of my entire being that "re-wired me". At one point, as I was spiraling in blabber, he interrupted me,"Do me a favor? Stop saying "it is difficult for me" I laughed, I understood I was putting myself in a certain belief and vibration just by my own choice of words. And the tone in his voice startled me. It was Bashar. The line between him and Bashar blurred for me that day in a way that has never changed. I told him that when I was practicing channeling it felt like a telephone operator, the old fashion kind sitting at a big board directing different lines of information."One moment please, while I direct your call"

He laughed,  "I have described it that way before, it's interesting that you think that too, as it is before your time. You know, my mother was a telephone operator"

"Huh, so was mine, for a bit, as was my grandmother. And my father's name is Daryle." (same pronunciation of the name, just a variation on the spelling, for those reading) 

I continued to practice my own vocal channeling during the next few months. No specific being presented them selves, it felt like a group. An energy that was teaching me to "channel the channel" Lessons in different ways to ground, to find the neutral space to allow the information through. To trust when I was being shown a "character", drawing from my experience as an actor. "You know how to play, so.. Improv" A big lesson came one day in feeling the awareness of knowing. Knowing that I didn't know, but that was still something, the only thing that I needed to know. There was a calmness in this awareness. A true unconditional love. Know that you don't know. Feel how good it feels, just to KNOW that. And trust what ever comes through in the next moment as part of the "channeling".

 Around this time I would awake from my dreams feeling I had been receiving lessons all evening. A sense of grandmother beings, white wisps of moon hairs, a circle of redwood trees. It was comforting. It was not ET or Alien. It felt beyond need for labels of that kind. It felt ancient. I woke up each morning,warm, and in deep appreciate for breath and experience.   

I continued to listen to a lot of Bashar videos during this time, but the information hit me at different levels. I was decoding the information through my psyche. In my perception of the connection, it seemed like a "party line". Many different beings on line from the Sassani civilization and other places to be able to "hand the mic off" to when a particular topic was better suited for a certain representative. Bashar was the main representative, but I was hearing specifics in the way the information was phrased that reminded me, as I had come to learn in my own experiences of being in the altered state with the energy, it was a group. Many beings connected from many different levels of consciousness aiding in the transmission. Not to say that Bashar is not his own separate entity, I very much think he is, but I think his archetypal energy is being used as a vehicle to give Darryl something to relax into, a character to play, as the other energies put on different masks behind the construct of Bashar.

This time of transition was very challenging for me. I felt very alien. I thought I was alone. I could see things in the world around me that I thought no one else could see, for the exception of a few other friends, I felt alone. I was in and out of manic states and depths of depression. These feelings are common with these types of "transitions". I know that now, and I also know that I am not alone.

I started to see flashing lights in the sky, unexplainable maneuvers. I would look for them, and then I started to play with the idea of looking past or into the dimensional barrier. Adjusting my focus. Playing with my belief systems to create what I saw. Then "stars" would start to move and dance. They would dart around the sky. Or come together to form a larger object. Was I seeing something that was already there? Or was I creating it? I made a point to play this game with myself when I was sober. I never saw anything that I would classify as a craft or a spaceship, UFOs and orbs? Yes. I still continue to see, or create these types of anomalies.  

 I began realize how "off" certain aspects of the "new age" concepts felt to me. People staying in a state of denial, consciously and unconsciously. I learned and realized that "ascended" beings, entities, or energies can present themselves to be one thing, but really, they are another. And they may not even be aware of it, due to their own denied feelings and lack of their true essence. I learned about false light constructs and energetic grids that connected with my understanding of the trans-humanism agenda, energies that have an invested interest in Earth taking a certain train. If Earth and her people truly heal, those false light energies would not be able to exist in the reverberation of the shadow that finds it's way back to the balanced light. A story came to me about a false light construct being put on our planet and in the multi-verse in the very early stages of our development. These energies thrive and feed off of denial, fear, and lack of essence. As these energies continue to influence Earth and other realms it can be next to impossible for those who are severely cut off from their natural source and true essence, to do the healing work that was originally intended to be done on planet Earth. This concept fell right in line with the stories in "Right Use of Will"  My connection to the Mother and my Will encouraged me to remain discerning as I continued to explore.

I started to question the intentions of  the Bashar energy. Which for me was a devastating realization, like learning a parent, the Father, has faults and flaws. It was as if a security blanket had been ripped from me. I felt as if I was being pulled apart at all sides. I did not know what thoughts were of my true essence, my denial, or influences from "other energies". And all the while I heard Bashar's voice in my head, "Really, It is ALL YOU." And even though I questioned so much, I knew this was also true. I was spinning my self in circles.

Around this time I had a dream where I was in the circle of redwood trees I had visited many times before. A fire was crackling. There was no presence of the grandmother beings, but Darryl sat across from the fire, calm and compassionate, looking at me. I showed him my inner heart and feelings, all the uncertainty and questions I had with these connections. He simply nodded his head once, lowering it slow and deliberate. And next thing I knew I had jumped through the fire. I had my head in his lap and I was crying. Sobs of release. He had a thick Mexican style blanket draped over his lap, strips of thick different colors woven together, with a white boarder and slight fringes on the ends. The wool tickled my cheeks. The energy was not Alien or ET. It was Human. I cried and he comforted me like a father. "It's okay, I understand"

The whispers from Hawai'i began to increase, the Call to Adventure was ringing. Loud. Symbols and messages just about every day from the Aloha spirit. I knew that the Islands had connections to the energy of the lost continent of Mu. I felt the Mother spirit and energies from the ET's encouraging me to go. I felt there, I would start to put pieces of the story together. Not just for myself and my personal role, but for the collective. The energy of the dolphins began to come to me as well, I saw the movie "A Dolphin's Tale" in the theaters and cried and cried, my heart opening in new ways. I had never been interested in dolphins up to this point, sure I thought they were cool animals, but I had no idea of the story they could offer humanity. Just like the idea of aliens, it was as though I had blinders on in my awareness. I didn't even see the characters in the story until it was time for me to connect with them.

I bought a ticket to Hawai'i. I was set to land on 11.11.11. My life spiraled however, I was beginning to fall into addiction with marijuana. My finances were a mess. My mind manic and static. I decided to put off the trip and focus on regaining my health and balance with myself. On November 5th 2011. I attended a Bashar event in Berkeley. I talked to April Rochelle, the business manager of Bashar Communications, about the Islands. I new in my heart, that it was the Big Island that was calling me, I asked her if she new of any places that did work trades, or any other information she could help me with. She told me of one place called Dragon Fly Ranch on the Big Island and then said something down the lines of "you can just go too, and trust, that you will attract the right abundance and synchronicites to you" I told her I think I need to meet the dolphins. And I started to cry. "I think you do too" she replied. "I looks like you are being called" I sat on the fence for a while, "to go or not to go" It felt epic. I wasn't sure if I was ready. I knew that I couldn't just go for a few weeks or a short trip, I was being called for initiation.

A began to have visions during meditations of being in school type settings with the Sassani. Glimpses maybe of what their world was like. Very calm and beautiful. With a type of ancient Asian, maybe Japanese feel. Very streamlined, yet still so connected to nature. But in a manicured sense, like it was done as part of furthering connection and mediation. I would be in a school setting with other kids. But I was in a Sassani kid body, a little ET body. Sitting on an electric blue, comfy pillow behind a little square table that held a liquid substance that when thought was transferred into it, it would reflect and show the images of the energy. These were our "books". This was not a technology. It was a naturally occurring substance on the planet, from the ocean, and was almost like an animal. Each little pad of goo had it's own personality. All the kids were darting around the class "room" it was more like a garden gazebo, introducing ourselves to each other's goo. The civilization was in the process of transitioning from their native language to telepathy. The kids had an easier time of it, the adults still talked to each other in a spoken word, I ( my current personality observer) could hear the language far off, but like it was under water.

I had another vision one day where I was on a cold metal table in some sort of medical room. There were "grey beings" around my legs, something was being done to my private areas. I wasn't scared. My insides felt as cold and as numb as the table. This was "routine" it felt like... here we go again... "Don't loose your Light" I heard, a statement I had heard a few times before from the Sassani energy and once from Darryl in my dreams. "Don't loose your Light" Then a Mexican style blanket was under me, like the same in the dream with Darryl in the redwood tree circle. And I could feel the presence of what felt like Sassani beings behind me. With their energy behind me, it was like when some one gives you a hug or really looks at you when you are trying to keep feelings bottled in, then you can't. It is almost like their love and sincerity hurts even more than how you felt before, alone. I allowed my self to feel how uncomfortable I was with this situation with the "Greys" as the procedure continued. Then it was done and it was time for my "lolly pop". The Sassani beings came out from behind me, two male and two female, they motioned for me to follow them, we walked right through the stark white walls of the medical room and on to a vast green landscape.

Trees and Rolling hills. An ocean visible in the distance. We walked through a crystal archway and then a structure appeared. It looked like the Gravitron Ride from my childhood fair days. The door opened and a walkway was lowered. I understood this was a ship, but more so, a home. The walk way was lined with elder beings from the Sassani, dressed in traditional robes, again a galactic ancient Asian feel. There was a calm solemn tone to the energy. They were happy to see me and full of pride. I greeted each individual with a simple head nod, but encyclopedias of information were exchanged with each gaze into a new set of eyes. I noticed my body, I was older. My hair that I had always kept sort, was grown out. I had all the tattoos I imagine and feel on my skin, but can't "afford" to get now.  I was the future version of my self.  I understood that I had met these beings many times before, but never in this way, in this form. This was the first time we were meeting with myself this aware in my human form. It was a momentous occasion. I walked into the craft and of coarse, it was "bigger on the inside" We all shared a sweet giggle. A female with grandmother energy, telepathed to me "the children would like to greet you" I understood. I sat down on a beautiful black shiny floor that seemed to say "hi" to me too, as I made contact with it, every part of the craft seemed to be aware and had a personality. I heard "getting to know you.....getting know all about you" The song from the "King and I" musical as Anna is meeting all the children, play in my heart and mind. Again, me and all the elder beings shared a little giggle. Next it was the procession of the children. In little karate looking uniforms but with softer materials and in a wide range of colors. A boy came up to greet me first, a bald head and large blue eyes, he looked more "alien". He released a ball of light from his solar plexus. "This is my energy. This is a representation of myself. I can make it anything I want." It turned into a paper crane. He telepathed  "this is a game we play together, sending balls of light to each other and then adding our frequency. This is how you will meet us today." He allowed the paper crane to fly behind him. The next little girl, brown hair with hazel eyes, more "human looking" turned the paper crane into a lotus flower, spinning it in soft circles mid air, then another little girl and a boy, the lotus turns into a little jewelry box expelling, fairy dust, then into a violin that plays it's self...this continues for at least a dozen more children. Then a  little boy with dark, dark, eyes comes up, he is also bald headed and looks very "alien". He makes a blossoming rose.. a dusty pink color. Then I feel a hand on the back of my shoulder, I know with just one touch, it is Bashar. I don't even turn around to look at him. I hear "The next one is your daughter." A beautiful little blonde girl comes up to me. She looks more on the "human" spectrum. But eyes big, wide and blue. She turns the rose into a little baby black bird. I extend my hand to her, she takes it, small and soft. I bring her into my lap, I hold her and we cry and laugh. The Sassani elders well with pride and rest of the children dance. I come out of the vision. This was the first time I had put together the concept of the "hybrid children" As the Bashar story goes, these children are a result of the "abduction programs" a mix of human, Grey, ET and other alien DNA. Even with all the love and beauty in the vision, I came back to my present reality with a slightly unsettled feeling. I heard, from a little girl's voice "the bird, don't forget the bird" It was a baby black bird she showed me, a little crow or a raven maybe and when those trickster symbols appear, that means it's only the beginning and there is more, much more to the story.

The next night I had a dream I was swimming with dolphins. I heard the word "Ke-ala-ke-akua" resonate through my heart and mind. The voice was male, deep and commanding. I woke up bright and ready for action. After a bit of searching on the internet, fumbling with the appropriate spelling, I found. Kealakekua Bay. Short for Kealake-akua. Gateway of the Gods. A bay and little town on the Big Island. One of the main places in the South Kona area where the native spinner dolphins can be found, using the shallow waters for rest and socializing. There was no more pussy footing around for me, this call was LOUD.

I have told people many times that at this moment I felt like Cameron from "Ferris Buller's Day Off" Ferris, playing my higher self, had already been calling me all morning, I thought I was sick, no, I don't want to go. Then I found myself in the car, in the drivers seat. "He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'LL GO. Shit."

I changed my plans rather quickly and repurchased a ticket for February 14th 2012. I worked steadily for the next few months, saving money and balancing my health. The message that Bashar gave almost two years prior, a little whisper in my head "Do you have any interest in going to the area of your planet known as Hawai'i. That will be, as we read the energy now, a very likely place for a... sighting." But I told myself, no expectations. At this point too, I had drawn a very big line in my perceptions between the Mother Spirit Energies and the "Aliens" It is the Mother who is calling you, her land, her animals and her spirit, you are going to Hawai'i to learn from the Mother.

While I was at the Bashar session on November 5th 2011, I met a friend that I connected with. The first day that we were due to hang out, around January of 2012. I woke up with a triangle mark on my forehead. Three little dots on my brow, in the shape of a triangle. I didn't know what they were. I had no recollection of anything odd happening to my forehead in waking life and no memories of anything "other worldly" in my dreams. In fact, I had no dreams that night. I had stopped smoking pot at this point, was clear of it for three months. I had started recalling my dreams again. They were usually just "processing" dreams that occurred nightly. Only one or two, that I remembered. And always about friends, family or situations in this here and now. I know I was doing more in the dream space, but I didn't need to remember. This was not the first time I had woken up with unexplainable marks on my body. They had been on my arms or legs before, but never in such an obvious place and pattern. I stared at the marks in the mirror, they almost looked like they could be pimples, but they weren't raised. I tried to "pop" them, maybe something would come out....something "natural" or... otherwise. Only blood. In a manic compulsion I picked at all of them, opening up my skin, making them all bleed. The marks became more prominent and visible. A perfect triad on my third eye. I heard a voice in my head, Sassani energy, "No matter how you want to spin the story, it will always be you. Pricking and Picking at yourself in the mirror." I was in fear, but I also thought it was kinda cool. It made me look like a supper hero, it made something more "real" about all my experiences. Even though, I still questioned it's origins. I didn't create a story for it. I went to hang out with my new friend who I had met at the Bashar event, "Yes, I am aware I have a giant triangle on my forehead, no, I do not know how it got there...Hi... How are you?"

On the night of January 9th, I gave this same new friend and intuitive reading. This is a gift I think we all have the ability to do, with a little mediation training and learning to relax into trusting what we feel and see, we can pick up information for each other easily. During the reading I had one of those moments of compartmentalized thinking, I realized that what I was doing, gathering information from what my friend was showing me and then relaying, is just what Darryl/Bashar and other channels do, just to a higher degree. A different level of the  "channeling state". I was opening up pictures that I saw about a cross-connecting life that my friend was having in ancient Egypt when I felt the Sassani "knocking", this is how Darryl has explained it, and how it feels to me too, the energy knocking at your crown door "anybody home? want to come out and play?" I started to loose my connection to the story I was telling my friend, my perceptions started to fuzz.

" I am half way in a channeling state. A connection is being made. Are you interested in hearing a channeling from what I think is the Sassani energy?"

"uh..wow. Sure! " he excitedly replied.

"okay, I'm going in. See you on the other side" I hadn't channeled in months, maybe even close to a year. The energy felt "off" to me. It felt like I was "pulling shit out of my ass". I couldn't quiet that judging observer in my mind, but she also declared she was staying vigilantly aware and would not be quieted. I came out of the altered state, not really recalling anything of what was said, but thinking I had given a "poor performance" It felt "off" as my friend looked at me with slightly dazed eyes. "Wow!! That was so cool!! I am.. like wow! The energy is so strong..." Whatever the entities had said, my new friend had "bought it, hook line and sinker"

I have kept a journal since I was in high school, after this whole unraveling process started, it has been a tool for me to keep track, though I do take spouts of not writing. On the night of Friday the 13th January 2012 I recounted my feelings and dreams of the previous few days.

"As I look at different parts of myself, to such a heavy degree now, I am doubting the origins and intentions of these energies. Feeling the possibility and now likelihood of manipulation and disinformation. I do not want to give my power away. I know that we can only attract what we are the vibration of, but I am everything. And sometimes we need certain aspects of the all to learn. I have been questioning everything about the information and energy I have come to regard as my second family these past few years, but never to this level. I have never felt so unsure about it. What has escalated this, is the involvement of another person. He (my new friend) was so excited and in utter belief and trust. It is fine if the only person I am possibly misleading is myself, but once it involves just one other person, I have to throw my hands up and question. I experienced a level of distrust that I cannot deny. There is a fear that following this agreement will lead me down the path away from my true desire for organic evolution. 

The night of January 11th these fears manifested into my dreams. Or I received a message. In the dream I was watching a Bashar video online. A middle aged human male was sitting in a chair. He was very "normal looking". He was in fear of himself. Disconnected from feelings. The man is talking to Bashar, via the channel of Darryl, asking him questions. But the man is in such fear that he is not able to talk to Bashar directly, the man has a puppet on his hand. He uses the puppet to talk for him, to ask questions. Bashar is direct and authoritative, yet loving.  Then the puppet on the man's hand starts to become soaked with blood. The man, glazed over and dazed, takes the puppet off his hand to reveal a wound dripping in blood. Some type of implant begins to dislodge on its own from the wound. The man is unemotional. Bashar says "How far do we have to go?" I turned the video off. As I was waking up I heard "you will now receive disinformation from the father, but it is all part of the story" (at this point in my life, just about to leave for Hawaii, I was sleeping on my parent's couch)  Dad (Daryle) startles me awake. "You are going to be late for work?!" I jolt up and grab my phone. I've got hours to spare. He was just trying to help. "Nope. Thanks Dad, I've got plenty of time. " 

On February 3rd 2012 I went to my first and only hypnotic regression session. The women that I chose to go with did not have much experience working with people who thought themselves to maybe be "abductees" or "contactees". I liked this. I felt that there would be less of a possibility of her leading information, or her own experiences having a preconceived notion of how the stories are "supposed to go" I had a calm feeling about her and I trusted her. I felt as though I was not taken very deep into hypnosis, I had felt stronger levels of taping into my own unconscious just through mediation. However, stories did emerge. I had a visions, I will not use the word memory. One of me performing oral sex at the age of 8 or 9 to a human male. Many people were watching. I did not like what was happening. Then it flashed to visions of walking down stark white hallways, I was around the same age, being lead by tall "Grey" like beings into different rooms for us to "take classes". Then I was in the wings of a theater. Watching a beautiful humanoid woman on stage. I was thinking in my young mind, she is so pretty, but she looks "different". She was having intercourse with a mantis being. They were both enjoying each other, very much. In the audience a large group of beings from various looking races watched the show. There was a tall "Grey" being to my right. He bent down and gazed at me in the eyes. I felt like he was trying to "turn me off" getting parts of my consciousness to go "back to sleep" I laughed and said, "no, you can't do that to me". Then the images flashed to a different scene. I was about 15 or 16 laying naked on a metal table. Four medium sized Grey beings around me. Two on each side of my head and two at my feet. It was another "check-up". To make sure "all was going well" I wasn't scared. There were no feelings. It just was. It felt as uncomfortable as going to a traditional doctors exam. The Grey on my right leaned in close to my face, inches away from my cheek, again this was "normal to me" He told me that,

"You are in fact, a 3rd stage ET/Human hybrid"

Upon waking up out of the trance I told the therapist, even though she had heard all I was relaying,

 "They told me I was a human hybrid"

"Well you already knew that, didn't you?" she replied.

I did not find this comment helpful or professional. I did not believe what "I" had shown "myself" that day. It felt like part of the mono-myth story. Story is a way for the ego to relate to itself as we travel down the unknown. I did not label these visions as my memories. Yes, they could have physical truth to them, I will not deny that. They could also be plants from other encounters, these visions just being the first layer of stories that need to come off before revealing the "true" memories. Or they could be a way that the collective is telling stories. This could be a way that my mind, having read, researched, and listened to countless hours of abductee accounts was classifying archetypal energy. I was nowhere closer to having any concrete answers. But further down the understanding of the importance of the use of story in our collective "Hero's Journey". Then, that night my new friend (that I had met at the Bashar event in November ) and I watched the Bashar session on video entitled "Writing Your Life's Story" In the video Bashar talks about the importance of understanding story structure, the use of the mono-myth and the exploration of the "Hero's Journey" An understanding in my heart opened. I was on the right track. There was a regained trust in the Bashar energy, we are all just telling stories... I felt again, feeling the fact that you KNOW you don't know. I felt a love and a calmness in KNOWING that much was true.      

I refocused myself to preparing to leave for Hawai'i. I did a bit of research on the Big Island. It is remote and Big. I knew I had to be on the South Kona Side. Kealakekua. There are only a small handful of hostels on the Big Island, sprinkled around in wide distances, As Fate would have it, one was in Kealakeua, on the boarder of the town of Captian Cook, Pineapple Park Hostel, nestled right above the Bay. I planned that to be my landing spot. I would go there first and then, well, follow "excitement." The night before my flight, the 13th of February, I looked up the story behind Captian Cook. It had become a good habit of mine that I look EVERYTHING up.. I am fascinated by stories  the etymology of words. The information always fits in amazing ways that is applicable for my personal navigation. Always.  

"Captain James Cook was a British explorer, navigator, cartographer, and captain in the Royal Navy.  Cook made detailed maps of Newfoundland prior to making three voyages to the Pacific Ocean, during which he achieved the first recorded European contact with the eastern coastline of Australia and the Hawaiian Islands and the first recorded circumnavigation of New Zealand. Cook was killed in Hawaii in a fight with Hawaiians during his third exploratory voyage in the Pacific on February 14th 1779 at Kealakekua Bay - From Wikipedia

Huh, the story was the "white man invader" the "alien" coming to a foreign world, and due to multiple perceptions and different sides of the story, it has become unclear just what his intentions were and why he was killed exactly 233 years ago, to the date, that I would arrive on Hawai'i in the same area.

Plus, February 14th is Valentine's Day, even though that is based in a dark story turned cover-up and turn around to make some money, I won't go into that, for it has, more importantly, come to be a symbol for "heart and love day". Hawai'i is said to be connected to the heart chakra of our planet. The date hit symbols on both sides of the spectrum for me. Perfect.

I told the Mother, your Will is my own. I drifted off to sleep and prepared myself to return to her womb.